It’s been a few months of polishing, taking the rough edges and wearing them down. The albums, my other life of work, my home, all of these things have been brutally grinded down and now their sheen is impressive.
I’ve known for a while that I needed to make a leap, and now I’m about to.
I’ll fill you in when it actually happens, so as not to keep it from happening by talking about it, but I think it will be good for my music life.
The main thing I wanted to “share” was that I’ve realized that indeed to get that sheen I needed the polish, the grind. I didn’t appreciate it at the time, but it’s true.
The albums are a perfect metaphor. Those were big chunky pieces of rock that required a chipping away, and then a sawing, and then a laborious smoothing.
That’s my life lately. Probably yours too?
OK and so now I’m mixing metaphors and oh well to that because, if you haven’t noticed, this blog is not a literary journal.
The leap: I’m taking it.
“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.” – Kierkegaard
A month ago I went skydiving with my girlfriend. We did it randomly, literally deciding the afternoon before that it would be a random interesting thing to do.
As it approached I felt so much anxiety, and even felt distraught that I would put myself in such a position, especially since it wasn’t ‘necessary’. I could have had a normal Saturday, in other words.
And of course we flew up in the plane, which is when you really wonder “Why, exactly, am I in this plane?”
(BTW I know this metaphor is super cliche-y, but again, whatevs)
And of course preparing to jump out was insanely strange, but here’s the thing: the doing, the necessity of being present in that moment took away all anxiety. I went from being completely freaked out to being oddly calm. I didn’t want to miss a step, or make a mistake, and my brain knew to calm my body down.
The leap itself was the most incredible “zap!” single moment of my life. The first 0.5 seconds of my first jump was beyond reality, basically (but real!). An explosion of sensation. The flight itself almost too much for the brain to comprehend. It was one of the most beautiful things I’ve done.
And so I think that applies to other leaps in life. You’re going to wonder why. You’re going to feel anxious. But you’ll find your feet beneath you, you will take the appropriate actions. You have to believe that and trust yourself.