Category: personalisms

Sometimes I don’t want to just talk about what songs are being worked on, and I just want to write out. Its not that this is a strange concept, simply that I find it easier sometimes, as do most, to attempt to maintain a persona online. And its nice to not have to, and not do that.

on by

I just felt like putting this up tonight.

It’s a fine Summer night. Is it the end of Summer? That’s what I hear. Me and Cinco are tending to the empty home while the rest of the pack is off at FYF Fest. Slowdive is playing. Hmm. I wish I was there. It was sold out.

I’ve mostly finished up on a big buffet of music I’m going to serve up in the near future. I’m happy with the work done and mostly the feeling of the songs.

Los Angeles for me: still and ever just past my fingertips somehow. It’s there, I push at it, brush it aside like curtains. But I have yet to pass through.

It’s a good city after all, and there are just so many surfaces you could attach your mirrors to here. Everyone is beautiful and larger than life, even if just in their own minds.

There aren’t country lanes, nature revery is rare, and the general balance leans one way and then the next, undecided. It’s menacing and inviting at once.

Blah blah poetic yada yada. Meaning: I’m here, making music in my dear studio with my dear cellos and my dear thoughts and I’m not on that damn stage at this damn point in this damn city.

That’s my check in.

Hope this version of this song fits with your time and place.

REVERIES
REVERIES
Valley Of Gold - Instrumental Version
Loading
/

on by

Just back to the city from the woods. Um I think I left something and have to go back. #360pano #countryboyatheart #thefaraway (at Kings Canyon & Sequoia National Parks)

on by

#tbt 1999, at the sfo airport about to go to Europe. Pete musta been on tour. Love this picture has been in my studio wherever I make music since then…

on by

Was reminded that yesterday was June 12 and thus of one of my more gut kicker songs emotionally “Week Of June 12”. Decided to put up that whole album “Still Dream” because it was requested and though I was hesitant I was happy to discover I did not hate it as much as I thought. In fact I did not hate it at all.

That might sound a bit weird, hating your own album, but albums can get to be like siblings growing up: you love them, you can’t live without them, you would do anything for them, and you secretly even like them. But you get this closeness and it’s just irritating. Especially when they won’t just go away.

Still Dream is my second full album. I wish I could tell you I remember exactly the true story of its release so I’ll tell you the true myth (I’m pretty sure this is right) of it. It was the end of my first year of college, I should say the end of OUR first year of college because in the Merrill Dorms (and beyond) at UC Santa Cruz we had this kind of incredible circle of friends. Like you do as a freshman in the dorms.

So, Week Of June 12 is a song about leaving all that. Geez I still get kind of emotional thinking about it because the thing is: I wasn’t wrong that all that was over and it was sad. Beautifully preserved in the amber minds but my inkling to resist time, which haunts all my music, was correct.

That said, no matter how much of a terrific disgrace it felt to somehow leave our 18 and 19 year old selves behind, thankfully the fear of what that meant for me transmuted into 1,000,000 other achingly beautiful moments and friendships.

In other words:
“as the lights zoom by and the sunset stalls,
wonder for me child
what we leave inside these walls
and as the passions rest
you can feel it in your chest
take your last breath left
start the breathless quest”

Hope you enjoy the album. As a PS I chose not to include two songs which I am kind of embarrassed by, but they come with the “bonus” version of the album if you buy it.

on by

I’ve been in this weird place in life right now where things are moving at light speed forward and days are busy and full, and also where, with my music, I am working countless hours and making seemingly no progress at all.

That happens. I wonder, I really do, if it is me procrastinating subconsciously on wrapping up new albums. It really is a scary thing… once you’re done it’s like… ok: does you likey? what should I work on now?

My thing is mixing. Mixing is when you put all the instruments together at a reasonable volume AND you somehow make it exciting AND you make it sound good on ALL stereos/headphones/cars. It’s not an easy feat and amazingly talented people make a living just doing that end of things. Paying a professional is a little pricey for me though, sadly. So sadly.

I would love nothing more than to take these tracks and send them off to someone to mix and master for me if for no other reason that tragically I get really really sick of these songs by the time I release an album. It’s not that they aren’t good songs, it’s that if they are I wouldn’t know.

Hearing them literally hundreds of times takes the excitement of what’s around the corner out of it. And I think that that is music’s big shazam, surprise, like comedy. Even if you’ve heard OK Computer 673 times, there’s a pretty good chance that you forgot how the tone of that guitar just makes sense for that solo, even though it shouldn’t. Something like that. Or is Caravan before or after Into The Mystic. Etc.

So today though it’s back to the grindstone. Honestly it would be a lot easier to mix my own material if I weren’t so addicted to bass. I listen to a lot of heavy low end music, not at all the more acoustic music I’m mixing. I cannot get enough bass. But too much bass drowns out the high end and it all sounds like mud.

I’ve been guilty of this bass addiction with pretty much every album I’ve ever released. This time I think I might try the recommended balance of things. That’s ok. It’s like following a recipe instead of (my preferred) throwing whatever you have in the kitchen together “artfully”. Recipe seems boring but could be the most amazing. Regardless it probably won’t be a disappointment. Intuitive kitchen-ing? Yeah. That can fail miserably.

I do not subscribe to this belief for songwriting though. No no no. The kitchen of songwriting (for me, don’t mind/care what others do) is not a place for cookbooks. Never ever. Maybe that’s why I’m so well known!

Yeah, I mean, the formula for big pop songs really works. But I just can’t help but feel that it is… not my thing to follow a song formula. And that’s a specific take on the process. The whole songwriter genre is a relatively new thing, but I do believe in it. That one person’s take on creating something is worth the tunneling required to follow/get there.

Well. There you have it.

So here’s the plan:

Finish mixing

Give you some pieces of the album along the way the next few months

Tour and see you and play

Repeat

Bye!

on by

This song has been around with me for a long long time. I probably wrote it more than ten years ago. Unlike some songs from that era it has aged well, ie. I’m not embarrassed by it.

I don’t know how it never ended up on an album or fully produced. It’s a perfect example of a thing that works well in a room with people and flat/not quite alive on album…

I’d tell you what it’s about but doesn’t that always ruin a song? I will tell you there is a lot of church related imagery in there. Clearly growing up Catholic and an altar boy invaded my subconscious and probably will give me songs by the bucketful forever. Because? Because church is the imperfect institution, the fallible middleman? Because church is metaphor for society? Church can be metaphor for any thing in our lives be it music or art or love or nature? Because because because. Whatever it is to you.

Without further ado!

REVERIES
REVERIES
"The Longest Book Ever Written" - Performance Video
Loading
/

on by 1 Comment

I’m playing a show this Wednesday, May 21 at Malo in Silver Lake, Los Angeles. It’s really been toooooo long since I’ve played a show and I’m super grateful to Surely Lorraine and Kondo Exurbia for including me.

I’ve been working up new songs because what happens when you don’t play is you forget ALL your lyrics and when you get on stage your brain turns off completely its ability to recall such information and since there likely won’t be a teleprompter it’s better to get it memorized!

I decided I wanted to do a cover because covers are fun for everyone especially when in my case all this material is new and I don’t know what works and what doesn’t. Some songs work live and are kinda lame on an album, and vice versa. So I thought about doing “I’m On Fire” which I’ve always played on the cello but I thought perhaps I’d think of something not done so often (Bruce’s popularity has risen yet again and to my relief his street cred is much higher than I think it used to be… I remember people would ask who my favorite musicians were and I’d say Bruce and they’d think I was joking, which is absurd! Because, well, you know, he’s the best songwriter perhaps ever.)

ANYWAYS so I was letting my mind wander and I was walking down Sunset Blvd. and I happen to live really close to where the show is Wednesday and I realized that the “Elliott Smith wall” is right next door to the venue.

Which is weird and for me kind of eerie and moving because:

• Elliott Smith influenced my life and especially my identity as a songwriter probably more than any other musician. Either/Or changed my life in so many ways. If I had to put it into words (poorly) I would say because he made me realize that beauty and melancholia are not necessarily taboo to all people. People love his music rightly so and it’s sad but not sad at all because it is just aching and oozing with so much life, and feeling FOR life. I’ve never written anything as beautiful as his, but it certainly gave me a context for where my music fit in to the world. And I don’t know if my music is especially sad, I don’t think so and I never set out to make it that way or any way, but people have often told me that in one way or another. So it makes sense, the kinship I felt, musically.

• Elliott Smith kinda really, as silly as it sounds, or naive, is the reason I moved to Portland. Again, I just figured “if music like that is being made there, I need to be there.” And so I moved there, and I walked Elliott Ave. in Ladd’s Addition many many times, often on my way to the Red & Black where I played my favorite shows in that city. And I was enveloped in the rain and the comfort Portland is and it was a beautiful, beautiful time.

• Elliott Smith moved to LA and here I am. And I don’t know where “From a Basement on the Hill” was specifically recorded, but I ended up on a hill in Los Angeles and I never, ever ever would have guessed that. And I’m still making the music I do, for what it’s worth.

• I’m still mad at Elliott Smith for dying. Yeah, I know he “killed himself” which makes me more mad at him… but there’s some doubt and I’ve always felt how if it is true that he stabbed himself in the chest with a kitchen knife there’s so much sadness around that act and everything surrounding his death that truly I can barely listen to his music anymore. Which is a shame. To be clear he wasn’t my hero. But he was a beautiful inspiration.

And so, for what it’s worth I’m going to play an Elliott Smith cover on Wednesday, by his wall, and maybe some closure will come about and maybe I’ll blow it and forget the lyrics! Who knows! It’s unknowable.

It would be nice to see you there, if you are in the neighborhood…

on by

Just got back last weekend from camping with my three brothers, three of my favorite people, at the mountain of gold. Where this video was made last year exactly around this time:

And so The Faraway was so half-assedly “released” to the world. Really it was my birthday and I was going to be gone and I had self-imposed deadlines and thus, hence, I released an album. Without thinking! Without mastering! Without caring.

But that’s fine… right?

Camping now with my girls, my dog Cinco and the ever-amazing Katy Unger. Between last weekend with my brothers and now this, it doesn’t really get better. What a crazy blessed life!

#blessed

Yeah. Well. Anyways. I thought I might do the same this year with The Faraway part 2. But I’m going to hold off until my return from the ocean and woods and just being faraway. It’s ok. I can do that, I’m indie.

I don’t want to rush it. And, truth be told I’m going to fold in the impatience of that album “release” last year with this one, and it will all be well and good in the universe. You’ll see.

So stay tuned. Hopefully I’m far enough from cell phone coverage to not be bothered with any thoughts of anything at all but guitars and walks and campfires and maybe a beer or two.

Or don’t stay tuned. Stay out of tune. Stay golden. Stay, though, please.

I promise I’ll give you music if you do.

More music.

I hope you are feeling good and able to get some good things out of your day. And that it all adds up to beautiful. Thanks for being here. I’ll see you there.

on by

Working on a thing, you have this moment before it’s finished where it’s time to take stock. Same with building a bookshelf as it is making an album as it is planning an event, there’s a moment where you can begin to visualize how it all will turn out, and whether some serious reconsidering needs to be done. Is it a ton of things? Just a few details? Was something fundamentally wrong with the inception? That’s the time, and unfortunately you only get to that point after you put in that much work.

This is definitely where I’m at with my latest group of recordings/album. It’s all laid out and I’m got my hands on my hips just kind of nodding my head up and down trying to decipher it, like a crime tv detective looking at the pins on a map.

And it’s either discouraging or re-invigorating.

And I guess my point of bothering to write this moment down is that I realized just now that whether it is discouraging OR re-invigorating is YOUR choice at that point. It’s a choice.

Your bookshelf is a mess all wrong angles the screws are poking through, the shelves aren’t level. That could be it… forget it, other f it, get mad, burn the scrap wood and move on. OR recognize that fixing the fundamental flaws is not only necessary but maybe… (I’m definitely inserting my own optimism here) just maybe this is the most important part. Not the work you’ve already done. But the evaluation of it.

That’s what I’m going to tell myself at this point. And ideally make the most of this moment. Or just burn it as scrap wood. No. I don’t think I’ll do that.

on by

It’s been a while between actual posts. This blog. It’s so old. So young. For a while there I thought Facebook would be the way to go to have it all in one place. Before that myspace. But like MySpace Facebook has been eaten up by profiteers and there’s no real connection between me and the folks who like the music I’m lucky enough to make.

Tonight in Los Angeles under a few clouds and hazy moon I’m thinking about what’s next. Last year I “released” The Faraway in great haste, on my birthday, April 14. I knew it wasn’t done but I needed to push forward and also I knew it wasn’t done and kinda didn’t care. I was in the midst of a couple year’s long crisis of confidence. I needed to just say “hey I did this.”

Almost a year later I am coming out of that cozy but lame place of self doubt and have a bunch of new material, or more importantly, the inspiration to act on it. I’ve decided to rework The Faraway and re-release it (one of the perks of being indie, I can do whatever I dang feel like) and also to add a new chapter to it with another album.

It’s good, I wasn’t done, and now I can finish it.

I’m aiming for another birthday release date. I think it’ll be scruffy and delirious as an album, like how it is lately.

So gotta get to it then.

It’s good to share with you again, dear reader. I think I can get behind this ol’ website once again.

on by

Seeing a film with my music in it for the first time #hellarad #egotrip

Last night joined Shar and Nisha and the whole workings of You Follow to watch the first public screening of their documentary.

The story, of an adopted woman looking for her birth mother in India, is moving, and making a few pieces for it was a really amazing experience. Especially seeing it, and hearing it, all together last night.

One of my favorite moments was running into one of the women interviewed for the film… I created some music to go with her very emotional story about finding her mom, and so I had spent hours watching her face and cue-ing musical moments to her words… It was surreal to see her in person.

Great times, great group of people, makes me realize how much I love the endless energy of Los Angeles.

And makes me realize how very much I want to continue to make music for moving pictures…

Here’s some of the music writ for it…

on by

Canyonlands Guitar Actions

Came across this early version of “You Can Get Far” (video from the album REDWOOD SUMMER here).

And it reminded me of when I recorded it, at Canyonlands National Park, sitting up on a cliff’s edge. As you can hear not a lot is different in the studio version, just perhaps a nicer mic and the absence of the sounds of rocks scraping underneath my shifting weight. And the view I had was incredible.

REVERIES
REVERIES
You Can Get Far - Early Version
Loading
/

on by

As is the habit lately, sadly, this archive is rarely being updated, which is too bad for me perhaps more than for you, as it is such a good record of my music persona and all the things “that” does.

You could easily deduce that on the music front I am more a crockpot on warm than a roiling boil. Nonetheless the pilot light is lit. I have this project that feels very organic, an album that, go figure, is a return to what I’ve always done. Guitar based acoustic based songs earnest and emotional. I would like to keep the production very minimal with it. Meaning: instead of writing a song and recording the main parts, then adding and layering and tweaking from there, I’d like to have all the songs under my belt and record them in a space I’m comfortable with and that sounds good. I’m not terribly concerned with having other musicians on the album, I would LOVE that, and the more the merrier, but if I go forth with just cello, guitar, and singing, then that is great.

So yeah, the songs are mostly there. I go back and forth on the lyrics. What happens with my lyric writing generally is that I kind of spew out as stream-of-consciously as I can, as little editing as possible. This sounds easy, but for me lately it has been the hardest part. I suppose I would say that the more you TRY to “craft” your music, the more you hold a certain standard above your own head, ironically the more difficult it can be to just produce the raw materials to work with. For me at least.

So, but, ideally I’ll take that pile of lyrics and if I’m really really lucky I won’t touch a thing and I’ll make the guitar or cello parts underneath it as interesting as I can make them while still being able to perform them while singing. Usually it’s not quite that easy, and my literary editor declares that what I’ve created is nothing short of a horrible embarrassment to the history of songwriting. What it is is that I am fully aware that I am not writing heady story-telling songs, and I’m not even actually aiming for high literary achievement… I aim for honesty and I tend to believe that rock and roll is better for it, from me. In other words, the type of music I love walks the razor’s edge between profound insight and simple truth. And, unlike a lot of songwriters, I don’t allow myself to rely on pure whimsy and irreverence. This is a very, very common songwriting “technique” that I hear ALL THE TIME in indie music these days. It sometimes works. It works for everyone, apparently, but my tastes lean to actually abhorring the smug indifference of pretending not to care, or not caring. I just feel that the music that I am aiming to make is all about emotion and the transference of. I’m not saying that all music has to be uber-emotional, and obviously it can be quite terrible/embarrassing when it is. But it’s what I resonate with so it’s what I attempt to do.

Woohoo.

Anyways yes, so there is an album in the works. My songwriting is just SO SLOW lately.

It’s because I’m not playing. I’m really not playing as much in L.A. as I hoped/expected to. I just can’t seem to crack the shell of the scene or find my happy place in it. I suppose that’s the nature of the big pond. I really need to play it turns out. It’s truly what I feel I am meant to be doing. And I’m not! Yeesh. That has to change. Even if it means returning to small towns to play.

Ok, I’ve got to paint a box I made now. Yeah that’s vague but true. Tonight my lady is putting up an installation for a Twin Peaks based art show/cocktail party at The Falls in downtown Los Angeles. I made the box and stand. It’s neat.

Thanks for being amazingly loyal considering my own lack of enthusiastic input into this here weblog. Rest assured though it shall continue, and be more exciting soon!

on by

MIDNIGHT DOOR (Shooting scenes for what could be a music video…).

So, yesterday I went out with the sharp eyed keen minded Ramon Garcia to shoot some scenes. He originally had the idea of shooting potentially illegally (we don’t really know) down in the subway and we did it guerilla style and his shots turned out great. So yesterday we did more of the same, a little bit of filming at the caves up in Griffith Park. It was funny, another film crew, much more professional and moneyed was already there. We just acted like we knew what we were doing and, oddly, had the cave to ourselves for a good 20 minutes. We shall see how the shots turn out, but it’s refreshing and fun to just come up with ideas on the fly and make them happen like that. And it’s nice to work with Ramon. He’s cool.

on by

Oh blog of mine, which hath been updated irregularly and regularly since 2004. I’m glad you exist my sweet blog. Although you make me nostalgic too.

But yeah, I’m reminded that documenting moments of time has a purpose, perhaps a hell of narcissistic purpose, but purpose nonetheless. It’s a night like this, last night of March 2012, where I am sipping cheap whiskey on my roof deck, lamenting that Kate is out working for the evening, teaching painting to a group class which must be terrifying. I am listening to Thao and the whosiwhatsits, which isn’t a common choice lately but it fits for now. It was really too quiet in this sweet orange ish apartment. Cinco is sitting on the orange chair making the scene all the more orange.

Life has been really kind of brutal in a non complainy way the last six months or actually year. No breaks man. No big hearty moments of smiley ness. A bit of confusion stew with generous sprinklings of self-doubt and repetition. What a weird time. Ugh. I don’t know that I could have lived it better, in fact I’m willing to bet I couldn’t have. But yeah. Aimless, hopeful and heartbroken.

Well, I mean I finished those albums about this time last year. After endless silly revisions. And then… wha happend? Weird mastering issues, time just passing in such an uncomfortable way, expectations built, and then shattered. Then reality set in.

Thank god for walks and brothers and family, lovely girls and dogs. Thank god for cheap whiskey and a night where I have the balls to write a journal entry that could be read by someone wondering who I think I am. I don’t know. I would love to personify the super cool musician to you, and seduce you with imagery from the special mind of a special musician. But that’s all obviously a bunch of scaredy cat bullshit. There aren’t any musicians out there that are really better than you, in your quiet apartment. They may have the perfect hairstyle in their press pictures, and they may tweet cleverly, and on stage they seem invincible, but they aren’t invincible, and they certainly aren’t cooler than YOU, who, incidentally, are the coolest ever. Music has a purpose, but it oughtn’t be to maintain the egos of its makers. So sayeth I.

Whatever.

So yeah. Turned a corner. Thank god for April. I am starting a new job on Monday. That’s right, a job. Well, yeah, I know. I hoped to break through with the new album enough to not worry about such trifles as “money” and “groceries” but it didn’t happen that way. It’s ok. I like work. I hope to be able to work as a musician and I think this job will give me breathing room. Maybe it will remind me how imperative it is to play music as the thing. I am really really really not interested in giving up. Even though at times, scary sad times in the past year I have actually thought that perhaps I ought to. Give up. Let’s face it. If you are reading this, you are the few and the proud. Unless I have indeed “made it” and this blog becomes a hysterically stupid piece of the legend dispelled of this music. Or what. This music. This… life.

I miss my friends. Gonna say it. Getting older you miss everything. And it’s important to realize the utter and complete sweetness of each phase. I would say “of each day” or “of each moment” but really I can’t keep up. I would just say that each phase of life is insanely sweet and poignant in its own lonely lovely way. Not that you are lonely, but that those phases are lonely. They want you to appreciate them. Remember first break up phase? Remember first apartment phase? Yeah. Those phases are lonely/lovely.

Ok. that’s my check in. Thanks for reading. You are rather patient.

Thanks life. This evening is cool. On to the greatest raddest most fantastic adventure yet!

on by

A big storm passed through LA yesterday. It kind of ravaged this desert city. I heard that an inch came down in a couple of hours. The streets became rivers, rushing downhill almost over the edges of sidewalks, and the drains to which all water rushed were big loud vortexes one would not want to slip into. Especially while unloading a guitar amp.

I witnessed all this as I was loading-in for a show at the Universal Bar in L.A. (It’s called the Universal Bar & Grill, but for some reason my pride allows me to play bars, but not bar & grills). The rain made the load-in more exciting than usual.

This venue was on the shore of the LA river in North Hollywood, which is not really as rustic sounding as it could be. At that point the river is a concrete slough and last night it was really raging, with no trees or grasses to slow it down. The rain was relentlessly dumping.

There was something kind of charged to the atmosphere outside and inside of the bar. Red light mixed with black lights and a cozy warmth. The smell of damp jackets and beer. Everybody had braved the elements a bit to make it out, and, as only some bars can do, it felt like THE place to be in case of emergency. So it was good. People were happy, the previous bands put on a great show and brought in a good draw and all was well.

We (as Midnight Door) played with abandon, as has been the case for all three of our shows thus far. Last night I felt even more the need to exorcise, and the feelings behind the songs felt pretty spot-on to me in my life. Being emotive wasn’t particularly difficult. More importantly though, the small crowd was TOTALLY into it , which is something that you can feel viscerally on stage. It is important and amazing when a crowd is wrapped up in every note… you can be exponentially more interesting and interested as a performer.

Then a rainy drive through Hollywood, which, at the risk of sounding like a farmboy, still impresses me greatly. I don’t know what Hollywood is or means, but it has a certain energy and excitement in its present that just being near is undeniable.

My brother came all the way up from Orange County and drove me to the gig and back which was amazingly cool. And my girlfriend as usual was present and super-into the whole thing, including carrying heavy equipment. Some good friends showed up for a meet up at the bar before and after, and my new partner in musical destruction Tripp played drums so excellently as only a pro can.

The night before, Saturday, we played in Echo Park at Pehrspace, which is this cool, funky venue that sits inside of a strip-mall type area. On both sides there are tiny hispanic churches whose buildings would be equally fitting for a laundromat or a travel agency.

Pehrspace is run by incredibly sweet and kind people whose real purpose seems truly to be allowing for art to happen. The opening band was a duo of drums and synth/beat/sounds and they brought a bunch of their super supportive crowd out. It was really great party jam music with thick beats mixed with urban psychadelia, and their drummer played live with a fury and a precision that is very difficult to pull off with electronic stuff.

There weren’t a whole ton of people there, but the ambience was supportive and great and wide open and so we just rocked it out. To tell the truth, circumstance made it such that we didn’t rehearse prior to the performance, but I had a feeling we could pull it off and we did. It was great. I was sweaty and sore after.

So now as is the usual though I just try and filter out what it means. To play great shows for a few people. To not actually have anything booked. It’s a mix of accomplishment and what now? It feels good and bad at once. I want to play more shows and reach more people and just, be able to do that. And that isn’t always easy to do. Ideally some clarity will come about, some natural career-ish evolution will become inevitable, and I will not have been spinning my wheels on a stationary device. Regardless, it was good great fun, and a solid workout to boot!

on by

Played a show in Echo Park yesterday and the little room at the little cafe was nice and close and intimate and good and the daylight shone through the window which is not all that common for a music gig. Improvised set means you don’t have any basis for judging the performance. Actually, you never do.

I have two gigs coming up this weekend. Didn’t mean for that to happen, that’s usually a no-no, even in a big city, because you you know, use up all your pulling people in power. To be honest I don’t have a ton of that at the moment so every show played out is a chance to reach people. I’m… well… I hate to admit this but I’m desperate to play more. And so if someone says “will you play?” I say “Yes!”, no exceptions (almost).

So I’ll be revisiting Tomorrow Was, which is good. Playing through those songs, which are still full of a meaning I don’t even know that I understand yet. I’m happy to stick around with them a bit, though I’m always anxious to write and create more. Perhaps now that I’ve split my persona in two (Midnight Door and Luke Janela) I can write under one and continue on with the other.

Spring is really here. LA is so ridiculously lovely weather-wise, to the point that it creeps me out at times. I loved the big and rare storm that roared across the basin and blew down my wind chimes. It is essential that break, that chaos.

Anyways, the point is that I will be practicing this week. And that will be good.

on by

Today I hope I can inspire myself to put on a few sweaters and brave my little studio. I actually really need to, I’ve got a show tomorrow and two the following weekend. And in the midst of that I’ve got some other “real world” responsibilities that are pretty pressing, needing my every bit of extra attention.

I will be working on this ambient set that I’ve been performing for a long while now. Beats + Cello + Effects.

The Process?

I write the beats first thing. I’ve always been a fan of big beats and while I can’t say I am any kind of expert, I enjoy the act of creating beats. I don’t use canned beats (Canned beats are free-to-use beats that somebody already wrote and recorded a sample of, for anyone to use).

Most of the “songs”are quite free-form, and I enjoy that freedom. It’s like electronica/jazz, that openness. But a lot of times I will, no wait, I always decide on a key initially, whether it be b minor or C Major or what-have-you. Sometimes if I can think that far in advance I’ll go modal, though really if anything I play in Dorian and tend, sadly, to not explore the other modes too much. Some of these “songs” over the years have in fact developed their own melodies or themes, and so, in that sense they are not completely improvised. But after those things are out of the way (beats + key + theme) I just see what happens.

The most difficult thing about that in a live context is self editing. It doesn’t take much at all for one of these songs to turn into 30 minute self-aggrandizing tombs. It’s extremely important to try and think quickly and move forward quickly, in my opinion. I’ve seen far too many musicians wanking over how awesome they are for too long and I don’t want to be that guy. A helpful thing for me to keep in mind is that less IS indeed more. In fact that is sort of a mantra I repeat over and over as I perform (less is more… less is more…). I think Miles Davis is the master of that and everything else, and I can’t count how many times his face has popped into my head while playing as a way to remind me to let things breathe. It’s a startling vision that snaps me back sometimes.

That’s the process. As technology has changed the process has changed, the performance has changed. My first attempts at doing things this way was in Portland playing some random loft parties. I had my trusty Korg Electribe ER-1 and a delay pedal. I played loud and feedback was rampant. It was great!

Music device fiends: My favorite favorite thing about the Electribe is its “audio in” feature, which is hard to describe in words, but allows you to create a rhythmic pattern for your external input to actually be outputted… So that the notes I play on my cello beep through with the beats in a set pattern. It is a nice sci-fi sound that makes it sound like more than one instrument is playing. I am bummed that so far the electribe is the only device I’ve found that does this. Even software like Ableton doesn’t have this feature. You can hear that effect in “Everybody Is Dreaming“, it’s the synth sounding rhythmic noise going on throughout, especially audible for the verses.

The Electribe is still with me, even though I don’t really need it. I’ve found a way to integrate it via midi into my current setup. My setup is not all that different now, I just use my laptop with Ableton Live + Electribe + Effects Pedal + Keyboard Synth + Launchpad.

Using a laptop live does have its drawbacks… 1. software glitches and computer malfunctions (they happen, I can attest) 2. It’s your laptop, which, in my case, is the most valuable thing I own second to my cello, so that’s not ideal to have on a stage at a club, but in the end it takes a solo act to levels probably impossible otherwise.

So yeah, time to stop writing and go practice! Maybe I’ll record some snippets and post. Maybe!

on by

There is no set career path.

You can blow up big and be gone from the scene in less than a year. You can trudge away for years and years and that does not by any means guarantee or even increase the odds of a “promotion”. You can start off playing punk clubs and end up at the county fair. You can become a huge hit only playing people’s living rooms. What that does to the psyche is simply that there is no career guidance that fits for every musician. There are very few things you can share with each other as musicians that sort of point to the “proper” way to go about being a musician.

The paradox of taste.

Most of the bands that I adore also have people who adore them, but were I to lift the needle off of “Baby Baby” and drop it on a song I will eternally love, say,  “Drunken Butterfly” I would likely be pummeled with scorn. Faces would contort. So that can be an odd feeling, knowing that some people love in a real way the music you make, where as others actually, sincerly, hate it. I imagine that is even more weird but probably less concerting the more popular you become.

The Endless Crescendo

Career wise and/or skills wise, there is never a point where you put up your feet and say “I am finally a ‘good enough’ violin player”. Inevitably there will be another goal to push through. You might play your dream show with your favorite bands and most likely that will inspire you to think “this is only the beginning”.

More of these to come. If you are a musician let me know yours.

on by

Well, oh well.

This blog was once a place where I would sit and write about life, because life and music were intertwined. I think I felt like I needed to become more distant, more cool, in order to be a successful musician, because that is how most bands that come to mind present themselves. Also I just wasn’t sure it was appropriate to be personal here of all places.

But with tumblr and facebook and my “official” site, there are plenty of places where I can act like I’m cool. Here I am reclaiming as a place to just write. If you don’t like it, I’m not sorry to say I really don’t care.

Smiley face.

There’s a lot of catching up to do… I moved to Los Angeles after all! The short story is L.A. is not a bad place. The long story to be written at some point may indeed be that I don’t know where I fit.

I’ll stick with right now, to bolster my sense that writing like this is right.

Right now I spent the day cleaning up this blog. I played some old songs on guitar. I’m really lying. I updated my resume. Music is wonderful. But in reality I can’t feed myself with it yet. Not even close. And so I’m at another crossroads in my life.

I won’t go into details, because one thing I will not do with this blog is pump up the jams at my pity party.

Right now it is almost Spring. I LOVE Spring. Every year I act like January and February do not terrify me, because of the depths of introspection I tend to go into… and every year I come out of those months unable to believe that I couldn’t protect myself from waves and waves of Winter’s big… feeling. Big feeling. The Big Feel. That is what January and February are to me.

So: here is a toast to re-invigorating this blog. Which, if you look at the archives, has always been remarkably honest.

In the next few posts I’ll catch up on what has all been going on in the past two or three years.

In the meantime, welcome back, I’m really glad to have you here.

on by

It’s been a while since I have practiced Bach. It kept getting put aside because I had my own music to prepare and also because well, you know, I fell off the wagon.

Today I jumped on the wagon as it bounced and barely rolled along on misshapen wheels.

And I just had the simple revelation while playing that pretty much EVERY TIME I have sat down in my life to play a Bach Cello Suite thingy I have begun with the statement in my own head: “This is really difficult”.

I mean, it is difficult. But why state the obvious? Why make that the thing that begins every measure? I’m not saying that instead I should say “This is really easy”. If only. If only that were the magical cure to everything. I could get used to that.

I’m just saying maybe it’s time to acknowledge the intricacy, but instead of fixating on it, to keep in mind “let’s do this” instead. It’s a different mind set.

It’s more fun. And I played better. So. Time to try applying this in other areas of life I think.

One last thought… the other idea I noticed has lodged itself like a weed deeply rooted in my mind while playing is “other cellists can do this better”. Again. Duh. Yup. No argument there. So WHY fixate through every note on that thought?

The answer? No idea. But maybe just fixate on every note as much as possible. Not the idea that someone else can play it more rad-like.

Here’s the piece I play (and is standard repertoire) and this is most definitely not me, just one of the better youtube versions I’ve found:

 

on by

The other day I had a freak out over my posture with the cello. Was my cello at the right angle? Was my posture producing the best sound? Was it what I was supposed to be doing?

Posture is… well… it’s the basic of basics with playing cello. You generate power in your bow arm, you encourage your fingers to dance rather than trudge, you can play for a long time without fatigue, you don’t develop tendonitis as easily, it’s the basic of the basics.

So how could I, after all these years of playing, be questioning the basics of the basics yet again? How could I not have this figured out yet?

At the time I chalked it up to being a bit frustrated with my playing as of late, not feeling confident with the music I was working on.

But I think now, a couple days later, that it’s because it’s ok to question the very basic elements of our endeavors, of our lives even.

How do you walk? What does your gait say about you? Is it good for your back? What does your smile project? How do you say your name when introducing yourself? How often do you tell those you love that you love them? Do you look into people’s eyes when talking to them?

These are the basics. And I think it’s important to return to them as much as is necessary. We are always re-learning the basics.

on by

It’s suddenly spring in LA, at night the jasmine smells waft over the city, people are taking off their sweaters that were in use for 2 weeks, and everything is growing in a lush way.

I’m loving spring and the feeling of rebirth that comes with it. Honestly you get so deep into the things you are working on and sometimes you just reach a sort of wall. I was starting to feel that way with the new album, and so strangely so, because I really really love the thing. But for whatever reason I’m feeling rejuvenated and the album is too.

Some of it may be outside inspiration… I was playing cello for my friend and fellow musician Molly Allis in Boston, and we had to figure out how to get the cello parts I recorded transcribed and performed with violin, cello and upright bass, as opposed to three imaginary Lukes. It was a really fun process and reminded me of the lovely depth that strings bring to chords. Since then I’ve been looking at the album and finding moments that could be more lush and composing little ditties for that. I actually wrote a cello quartet that I’m really happy with the other day. It’ll be an interlude.

Some of it is the weather. More hours of the day. I don’t know about you but I can’t really be bothered to start playing the cello at 9am. For whatever reason my creative work just doesn’t happen until the afternoon. And in the wintertimes that means it’s just dark suddenly when I emerge from the cave of my recording studio.

Oh and I think some of this newfound push is getting over hesitations… also again tell me what you think but for me the closer I am to putting something out in the world, the further faults I find with it. Nitpicking I suppose you’d call it. I’m real keen on that one too as honestly if there were one thing I would change in my music career it would be to not have released several early albums in such blatantly tawdry states.

Lastly perhaps, or at least just for now… I want to get the thing done! I’m ready to move along and create more music and play these songs live.

So if you are having a hard time getting out of winter perhaps this’ll help. Spring is around the corner. Let’s go!

on by

I have been really not writing blog posts lately if you haven’t noticed. I kinda thought I’d lean on twitter and facebook to keep things updated, especially in this new attention span world the internets have developed. But I’m missing my real posts and keeping score on how things are going with the music.

As you may know I’ve been working on a new album “Tomorrow Was” for the past several months. I had in mind an album that I can perform live that is an amalgamation of the styles of music that influence me heavily lately in a visceral way: electronic, punk, classical, and jazz, all leaning on the pillars of that rock and roll that Neil Young rightly proclaims “can never die”.

It’s been intense, many hours, ten songs, constant reworking. I feel an obligation to have no regrets with this one, and to give it my all. There are a few other albums that I can’t wait to make next, the all acoustic one, the next instrumental cello one, the all electronic beats + cello one, but for now I’m locked in. The lyrics ought to be my own, I try and get layers of meaning into each line, I try to avoid that ever-tempting chasm that is being trite, I try to make them coherent and mysterious at the same time. It’s going well. I’ve never had so many rewrites of lyrics. The cello can be tighter and bigger always, the layers of sound can be less dense and more complex. This is why it takes so long.

I had the amazing opportunity to record with Adam Carson (AFI) on drums and we banged 5 songs out in one day. I replaced a lot of the electronic beats on those songs and have learned a lot about getting an organic but lively drum recording. It sounds incredible, I can’t wait for y’all to hear it.

So yeah, the months are cruising along with further work on what I intend to be by far my best album to date. REDWOOD SUMMER was awesome to work on, Midnight Door was a triumph for me personally, and all those other albums feel like good stepping stones.

I’ve gotten further away from worrying what the world might think of my own particular brand of music and more concerned with meeting my own very high standards of (subjective) quality. I never have been great at following the latest musical trends, and frankly I have no idea what drives the pitchforks and college radio stations of the world to make kings and queens out of new musicians. I understand that my earnest, emotional, raw and honest music that is heavy on sound and (attempted) musicality may not be the current THING in music. I could get more ironic, more irreverent, more silly and less dense. I could try to catch the wind of popular trends but you know what? I don’t want to and it probably wouldn’t be that pleasant or necessarily successful. No, I figure I’ll keep doing what I do best and I’ll push it and work on it and disassemble it and keep trying to get it out there just as is.

Like this very un-edited blog post.

Los Angeles has been very good to me and mine. The weather is pleasant, our neighborhood exciting, my musical inspiration exponentially expanding. It’s a massive massive blanket of humanity spread out widely over the desert-y ocean-y southern part of California and it is different for me and thus refreshing and invigorating. I come from Northern California, where mere mention of LA brings involuntary sneers, but honestly I feel like it’s one thing to look down upon it from afar, another to actually live here. I love the energy, I love the go get it attitude, and I love feeling like people are involved in their art very passionately. It’s a place to come and get down to business, get to work, get yourself out there. I am timidly sliding my foot into doors, and occasionally I have been met with great opportunities working with music video directors and other musicians. I feel like though I’ve been here a year now I’m just getting my feet underneath me.

My days have been filled with more cello, almost out of nowhere I rediscovered an intense desire to play Bach, to practice exercises, to spend a chunk of each and every day with this nuanced, gorgeous, frustrating, endlessly potent instrument I play. I’ve been playing the same cello since age 14, been saving for that fancy-pants cello some day, but for now, me and my beginner/intermediate cello spar with each other and I learn how to play it in particular. I can only play Suites 1 and 3 of the Bach Suites for Solo Cello, but I figure it’s time to expand that and delve deeper. Getting into Suite 2 every third day and eventually will have the courage to jump into the last three and their menacing keys and fingerings.

I read this book “The Cello Suites” by Eric Siblin and it got me all fired up to embrace the instrument. This book came into my life a couple weeks after deciding to practice seriously again so I feel like it’s a sign. Read it, it’s great, whether you are a musician or not.

In other projects I’ve been recording cello for Molly Allis’ new album PILGRIM, performing with Jessica Ripka, and juuuust started working with film composer Lior Ron. All of these activities are really really fulfilling. Between that and conspiring with Adam Carson on my own music I’m gettin’ pretty close to that true vision of being a musician that I have fought for for 15 years.

So that’s the update. All is well down south, all shall be revealed. I’m going to make an effort to scratch around my life for enough interesting things to write about to make it a very regular thing. I’m ready to come out of hibernation I suppose.

I sincerely hope you are well, and I sincerely thank you for checking in on my blog and my life and my music.

Words.

Luke.

on by

It’s hot in the studio today. By studio I mean shed, and by shed I mean it has a floor and carpet over the floor and frankly it’s perfect for me right no, cozy, but there is no insulation.

I’m not complaining… kind of keeps me on my toes and the sauna like atmosphere is maybe clearing out my pores? Besides, music is always made better under duress. Also, I’m not complaining for real… I love and am thankful that I am working on this album and fully appreciate that it is great to have that be the day’s priority.

And it’s hot in here.

I decided unfortunately that I hate all the lyrics I previously wrote/recorded for my current batch of songs. They’re just not… hmm, how do I say it? Sharp. Last night I watched this movie from 1950 “All About Eve”… if you haven’t seen it I highly recommend it, won’t get into details but the dialogue is so SNAPPY. You get whiplash from the cleverness and the intelligence. Songs used to be that way too. I’m not saying I haven’t contributed or at least bought into the modern use of lyrics as purely emotive, but man, a little subtlety goes a long way. So that’s something I’m trying to work into my lyrics.

Also I want to be certain that my lyrics are honest. It’s interesting, honesty is actually a difficult thing to pull off in lyrics, for me. I suppose if I had an alter-ego (do I? Maybe.) I could jive on all kinds of things with no consequence to whether it meant anything to me personally. That might arrive at certain truths more quickly, actually. By honest I just mean not false. As in, I could tell you that I feel hopeful about this thought, or nostalgic about this memory, or that these words in a string in melody actually mean something. And I would really want you to trust me that it’s true. Nothing new for my lyric writing conceptually, but always a challenge to pull off, as life and the world changes. etc.

Also, mean, it becomes tricky too in that I’m not a storyteller in the traditional sense. It’s not that I don’t want to write a great Dylan-esque story about a relationship like Tangled Up In Blue… it’s just that frankly it’s not my forte. Or I’ve convinced myself it’s not at least. I lament every single story-based song I’ve put out into the world, and that’s true. I prefer stories that kind of disintegrate the moment they are told, stories that are true for the listener with just a hint of the plot.

Anyways, hope that doesn’t sound pretentious. I’m pretty sure it does, but trust me I’m not trying to be over-intellectual. Just rambling out some thoughts as I take a break (can you say procrastinate?) from writing lyrics. Tying knots in ink and thoughts.

Bye!

(This is me in the studio. It is hot… did I mention that already?)

on by

So I took down Summertime Nights from the site as you’ll see, it will be coming soon to an iTunes near you!

In other news I am off as of this evening to the Azore Islands, the middle of the Atlantic. I have family roots there and I really look forward to returning. The music especially intrigues me, along with the incredible beauty and wonderful people. I’ll be gone off the radar for a couple weeks. Upon my return I’ll have lots to share…

Hope your summer is treating you right. Enjoy!