i’ve been working a lot the past few days, since kate’s car got towed in SF i feel like i haven’t slowed down at all. need time… need personal time…

but for now i go to work. dug trenches and cut down trees today (yes me, cut down trees… it was necessary, trust me) and now to the wonderful world of the ravens.

how do i always end up here? everytime that i have been going through the city solo and kind of aimless, which is not that often but often enough, i end up here in the caffe trieste. i even know how to get here now, which i didn’t before, i just ended up. but yeah, now i turn in the right place and kind of find myself sitting here and well i just find it funny. three years ago with mike , then once with tom, then twice in the past year. yes, not a BIG deal, but symbolic i’m sure of something. it is you know, the cool north beach spot, kerouac and ginsberg or cosby and pavarotti apparently ( the autographed picture on the wall collection is pretty amazing).

i played the show at the blue danube last night and it was just perfect, i mean, through and through everything i could have wanted. saw a lot of people, got to make and share music, really really why i do it at all.

last night wound up in my brother’s apartment and chatted with katie s. and tyler. got up early this morning to take my beautiful kate to the airport, walked out to the car on the way to breakfast and poof (!) revelation: no car.

thankfully it wasn’t stolen, it was towed. we parked it in front of someone’s garage stupidly. it was a strange odyssey to pick it up but we did. kate made it and is taking off in ten minutes to fly to austin texas. so its five nights on my own. with the kitties of course. which is good and bad but prolly good in the long run. lots of time to think.

not that i need it… kate is such a light, such a brilliant girl. here is to her safe journey.

also here is to TYLER

o so i am at work right now. yes, jobs are so interesting. i am sitting here in an empty restaurant watching the ravens fly around outside while my boss meanders around. i have so much to get done, it seems like a waste of time, but then, i am getting paid a pittance. i should quit. i don’t like the word should. but i really should.

this all zooms by so quick. i remember moments in my life, basically killing time at jobs when to make it through i had to tell myself that it would be over soon enough. of course i was always right. i’m at that stage with my waiter job here, fine dining… i’m over it. time to move on.

to ?

well i know what i would like. and we will have to see what comes and what i make of it.

my kitty walnut likes to bite and lick noses.

she is the nicest kitty.

things have really begun to shape around the cabin literally. i’ve taken up working for my landlord and his carpenter to learn a bit about putting things together and whatnot. right now i only tear them apart but nonetheless it is satisfying.

i’ve cleared out some tree limbs from around the cabin and now our view into the forest is broad and gorgeous. its funny, and i suppose this is the “lesson” how much a little change that you never thought about before changes everything.

i’m moving toward working carpentry/construction in general, its a more satisfying outlet, less prim people to ‘serve’ than the service industry and more actually valuable skills, no more plastic smiles.

of course, the real goal is to have my music land in people’s laps and have them be obsessed with it.

the real goal is to do exactly what i am doing now… work hard, make music, be in touch with…well, YOU, and live.

i’d like to make real cds, i’d like to have a professional cello, i’d like to have all the equipment i need to perform a live show, i’d like to not work at the restaurant any more. i’d love to see a film with my music in it. i’d love to tour the entire us and europe for a year or two on and off. but most importantly (this is the inspirational message… if you haven’t noticed i’m feeling enormously sentimental today) i really like what i have, the cabin, kate, walnut, scissors, my family. et cetera.

i think i’m feeling especially sentimental because i went to go start my old car that sarah wilmer of bronwyn fame sold me for $200 and it wouldn’t start. it made me realize how much i loved that car, all 275,000 miles on it, cracked windshield, missing side mirrors, missing tail light, faulty wiring, leaking oil and all. i really am grateful to all the things that that car did for me… i mean, that thing was actually verging on fucking magical: i think like 8 trips back and forth to california (including moving), every night i wanted driving across portland to kate’s apartment, jobs, cello lessons, gigs, all possible because of that care (and thus Sarah).

well don’t worry sarah, i have made a vow to fix it up running and give it to someone who needs it. any takers?

it feels as though it is happening, believe it or not…

one of my best friends tyler came to visit this morning. he is one of my favorite people ever, i forget that too easily, which is necessary so that i don’t miss him (and all my other really good friends) too much. he came and saw the cabin and the kitties, and we talked by the ocean.

my brother nate was also in town with his girlfriend simone, who arranged for me to surprise him by joining them unannounced for lunch. it was really cool. nate is so cool. happy birthday nate.

its another gorgeous day today. the rain fell a bit last night, cold enough to start a fire in the woodstove this morning. time to collect kindling and buy a bunch of firewood.

i’m thinking that i will begin to use the blog for my more ‘personal’ entries. this one of course is sort of like, hint hint, testing testing but hopefully it will work out just fine. in fact i’m sure it will. it will be nice to have the option of your response! ok. first blog entry ever done.